Bonnie Ashley approves as Nevada Assembly majority leader Steven Horsford displays his 2nd-place Special Olympics ribbon
This week’s post focuses on advertising only tangentially. It’s more about how to represent oneself.
A fear of candor has almost destroyed all concept of meaning. A world in which “public relations” has somehow become a legitimate industry (granted, one populated primarily by women) is a world in which the passive voice trumps the active voice; where if a verb can go without attribution, it will; and where if meaning can be clouded, it must.
A president who knows better can boast about how many jobs he’ll “save”, and the cheering masses add it to his apotheosis. Even though “saving” a job means not creating a job. Preserving the status quo. No net gain. As many jobs gained as lost. Zero.
(Regardless of what the chief executive chooses to take credit for, there’s nothing wrong with jobs being preserved, as long as there’s economic justification to fill them. But it’s rather like the president saying, “Under my administration, the western part of the Canadian border will never sink south of the 49th parallel.” It’s not a bad thing, but it’s hardly an improvement.)
Meanwhile, Jimmy Polk bangs on his coffin lid. Just in case anyone thinks this blog exists solely to bash Democrats.
PR in place of plainspokenness works especially on the personal level. Just to state the obvious – Jimmy Swaggart’s tearful confession, Bill Clinton’s show of regret post-irrumatio, and the one time Michael Richards was captured on camera not being a hyperkinetic goofball all have one thing in common: each guy got caught, would have done it again if he didn’t, and only attempted to save face thanks to a gullible public that feels better about itself by giving second chances.
It’s not like those above examples are rare. Every guilty criminal in every courtroom attempts to execute the same ruse.
Which brings us to a woman guilty of screechingly poor judgment: Bonnie Ashley, the self-styled “first lady” of the University of Nevada-Las Vegas. She actually calls herself this. (You’ll recall how Connie Snyder regularly introduces herself as “First Lady of Microsoft”.)
Playing the role of the incorrigible newlywed she is, Mrs. Ashley recently sent a series of nasty emails to university employees. Something about food for a party. Mrs. Ashley has no formal position within the university, doesn’t draw a paycheck and doesn’t really have any ceremonial duties short of smiling and showing decorum. But even that appears to be an unreasonable demand of this part-time photographer and actress. Excerpts from her emails included
“you need to remember who works for who” (sic)
“You all are paid way too much for me to have to put up with the constant problems I am dealing with, and it’s just wasting my time.”
And the kill shot:
“I should not have to tell you this … you do NOT argue with the first lady … that behavior is completely unacceptable.”
Email being the sociable beast that it is, Mrs. Ashley became another bloodied victim of the “forward” feature. And backpedaled. Here’s the open letter that she crafted, apparently while sober:
To all the Regents, Chancellor Jim Rogers, and EVC Dan Klaich,
The recent discussions in the media regarding David’s Presidential Performance Evaluation have unfortunately focused on my activities in support of UNLV. Let me take this opportunity to comment on these concerns.
In all issues, there is always a cause and effect, and I am addressing that now.
The first year I lived in Hawaii, I made sales calls to my potential clients, introducing myself to them in a very professional manner. I proceeded to tell them how I could help improve their business with our services. What I didn’t realize at the time was what they saw and heard. I was to them a newcomer and outsider coming in and saying I knew better than them how to run the business they had operated for many years. It was a lesson learned the hard way, one that I in turn have taught many other newcomers to avoid since then.
Now, years later, I apparently had forgotten that lesson, and didn’t realize the same concept applied in this setting. My main goal at this point was to do my part and assist in any way I could. I was asked by many to take on key hostessing responsibilities, and proceeded to come with all my zest and zeal to help with those aspects usually expected of the President’s Spouse or partner.
I did not realize how my perceived improvements or my striving for excellence in UNLV’s face that was put forward to the community would affect the people associated with those tasks. I truly did not believe it was causing them so much distress.
For this I am most apologetic, as in my quest for improvement I was not always as gracious as I could have been in the carrying out of those plans.
Even when confronted in ways I felt were disrespectful to me as a human being, I should not have reacted so harshly and am very sorry for not being more even tempered in my response. I don’t want this to be misconstrued as an apology for being a strong minded woman, but rather to show an awareness that it must be exercised in a more temperate fashion. I will be working on making this right with the people involved as best I know how.
Since it was in the Hostessing role that the concerns arose, I am willing to remove myself from that capacity, until such time as you, the Regents and Chancellor decide what it is you do and don’t want from me as the President’s spouse.
We all have the same goal in mind, being the advancement of the University. In times when people are extremely sensitive on every level, the last thing I want to do is cause them any more distress and anxiety.
I am truly apologetic as that was not my goal.
I am more than willing to learn from this, as I hope we all can. It is always best to talk to the ones concerned rather than take it anywhere else.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my response to your concerns.
Bonnie J Ashley
Once more, with annotations:
To all the Regents, (We would’ve gone with “To the Board of Regents”, but then McFarlane Media are sticklers for getting it right) Chancellor Jim Rogers, and EVC (“Executive vice chairman”? Who knows? Anybody?) Dan Klaich,
The recent discussions in the media regarding (Yes! A verb attributed to a phantom. No finger to point, no foul.) David’s Presidential Performance Evaluation (NB: the president is about to be fired with a year left on his contract. No word on what grade he got for “spousal suitability”. He should have listened to his mother and married that nice Jewish girl, the one who became an oncologist) have unfortunately (Lady, let the readers make the judgments. Stephen King wasn’t kidding when he said the adverb is not your friend) focused on my activities in support (Our first loaded term. She was just trying to make the college a better place, you heartless peons) of UNLV. Let me take this opportunity to comment on these concerns. (Is that what you wanted? Up until this point we just assumed that you were writing to sell us some satellite TV.)
In all issues, there is always a cause and effect, (Thank you, Kahlil Gibran. You know what else? To every time, there is a season) and I am addressing that now. (I will now tell you what the purpose of this letter is. The one that you are attempting to slog through. Here it comes. This letter’s purpose. I am getting to the point now. I am not going to make you wait. For the purpose of the letter.)
The first year I lived in Hawaii, (NB: Mrs. Ashley mentions her residence in Hawaii apropos of nothing. This isn’t merely tangential, it’s full-on perpendicular.) I made sales calls to my potential clients, introducing myself to them in a very professional manner. (The “wearing dirty clothes and belching” school of cold calling not having found its way to the Islands by this point.) I proceeded to tell them how I could help improve their business with our services. (Never one to fix what was never broken, Mrs. Ashley would also use English to convey her pitch. This involved positioning her mouth to form words. Words with which she would explain the benefits of what she was selling. These words were directed at her potential clients’ ears, so that they could hear the benefits. By this point, the most astounding thing is that a First Lady this incapable of forming a thought does not look like Helen of Troy. Yet the president loves her anyway.) What I didn’t realize at the time was what they saw and heard. I was to them a newcomer and outsider (Don’t forget “visitor”. Also “intruder”. See Thesaurus.com) coming in and saying I knew better than them how to run the business (Guessing this should be plural) they had operated for many years. (Don’t worry, her comma key makes a triumphant return in the very next sentence.) It was a lesson learned the hard way, (Again, no verb attribution. Who learned the lesson? You did. Say so.) one that I in turn have taught many other newcomers to avoid since then. (The funny thing about arrogant people is how blind they are to their own arrogance. Yes, I was a bitch, but in the big picture I’m really a heroine. See?)
Now, years later, I apparently (Try it without the adverb. Or at least explain how it improves the sentence) had forgotten that lesson, and didn’t realize the same concept applied in this setting. My main goal at this point was to do my part and assist in any way I could. (We get it. You’re the patron saint of higher education in southern Nevada. Now for God’s sake, put away the backhoe and stop digging.) I was asked by many (Active voice. Who? Who asked you? No one who wants to be named?) to take on key hostessing responsibilities, (“Hostess”. The feminine of “host”. Which is also a verb. Try using it for its intended purpose. Even “act as a hostess” is better than “take on key hostessing responsbilities”.) and proceeded to come with all my zest and zeal (Bonnie Ashley: Supporter. Teacher. College betterer. Zesty. Zealous. Alas, her alliteration doesn’t compensate for her self-righteousness.) to help with those aspects usually expected of the President’s Spouse (You know Who gets to capitalize His own title? God. Not you.) or partner. (And a little political correctness, for completion. “President’s wife” works just fine if she’s talking about an individual, which she is. Instead the went with the inclusive “President’s spouse or partner”, which covers all forms of heteronormative and/or differently constituted relationship. And drivel like that belongs in an antiseptic campus speech code handbook, not in a letter that’s supposed to change people’s minds.)
I did not realize how my perceived improvements or my striving for excellence (“Excellence striver”. Add that to her list of accomplishments.) in UNLV’s face that was put forward to the community (Wow, that was a headscratcher. A byproduct of being too timid to attribute verbs and speak in the passive voice. Otherwise she might have made sense.) would affect the people (Who?) associated with those tasks. (“Those tasks” is every bit the mystery that Hawaii was, or is.) I truly (Again, how does this adverb improve the letter?) did not believe it was causing them (Who? [reprise]) so much distress.
For this I am most apologetic, (Because “I am most apologetic” sounds more scholarly than “I’m sorry”, or “I apologize”. “Apologetic” derives from a verb. Use the verb.) as in my quest for improvement (That’s SIX pats on the back, if you’re keeping score) I was not always as gracious as I could have been (As temperate as lukewarm water) in the carrying out of those plans. (What plans? In classic narcissistic fashion, she wrote this letter for…herself. Whether the recipients can understand it is immaterial.)
Even when confronted (Verb attribution. Who confronted you? Why not name them, or at least give a vague description?) in ways I felt were disrespectful to me as a human being (Mrs. Ashley’s ancestors apparently having evolved from trilobites several epochs ago), I should not have reacted so harshly and am very sorry for not being more even (hyphen wouldn’t hurt) tempered in my response. (Semi-sincerity and remorse! We’re almost there) I don’t want this to be misconstrued as an apology (Ahh!! And we were so close!) for being a strong minded woman, (7 pats on the back. If you count her being confronted as a negative for her opponents, she’s at net +8 right now) but rather to show an awareness (She can’t even attribute verbs to herself at this point) that it must be exercised (”) in a more temperate fashion. (Because calling it “dialing it down” would betray me for the non-academic I am, as if that matters. Better to try to use big words and fall) I will be working on making this right (Even notice how losers love to “work” on things? “I’m working on losing weight.” “Quitting smoking?”/“I’m working on it.” It’s not building a dam. It takes one second. Either do it, or don’t) with the people involved as best I know how. (Because I NEVER take half-measures. See my list of achievements above.)
Since it was in the Hostessing (see above, both for creating an unnecessary verb and capitalizing like a German) role that the concerns arose, (One more time – “concerns” didn’t “arise”. Someone did something. Say who did what.) I am willing to remove myself from that capacity, until such time as you, the Regents and Chancellor decide what it is you do and don’t want from me as the President’s spouse.
We all have the same goal in mind, being the advancement of the University. (Only I mentioned it multiple times. If you were as committed as me, you would have too.) In times when people are extremely (Again with the adverbs) sensitive on every level, (Not to go George Carlin here, but what levels is she talking about? The answer, of course, is that she isn’t. Rather, she thinks using the adjunct phrase “on every level” is something smart people say. That’s only a guess, of course, but if there’s a more likely reason, we’re listening.)
(Also, this sentence features the last resort of the hopeless cause – the blaming of external circumstances. The moment unemployment decreases and the Iraq War ends, people will go back to being as insensitive as they usually are) the last thing I want to do is cause them any more distress and anxiety.
I am truly apologetic as that was not my goal. (Causing distress and anxiety wasn’t your goal? Thanks for the clarification.)
I am more than willing to learn from this, as I hope we all can. (Mrs. Ashley somehow manages to finger-point in reverse. One finger at herself, the other three pointed right back at YOU.) It is always best to talk to the ones concerned rather than take it anywhere else. (And on top of everything else, unintentional comedic irony! She says it’s best to be candid – to speak to whomever has an issue with you – yet refuses to do so. Or have done so.)
(Couple this with the obvious reference to her readers being the ones who’ve “take[n] it” elsewhere instead of “talk[ing] to the ones concerned”, i.e. her, and we’ve now reached a monolith of pride and superciliousness. Just a first-ballot hall-of-fame performance.)
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my response to your concerns.
Bonnie J Ashley
It’s not that difficult to write a letter of apology. It’s considerably harder, however, if you go to the trouble of doing like Mrs. Ashley and mentioning midway through that you’re not apologizing.
Own it. Get to the point – in this case, the apology – out of the gate. Don’t backtrack, don’t rationalize, don’t choke on the details, and for God’s sake, don’t spread the blame unless you have cosigners.
Mrs. Ashley, enjoy a free one. A little late for you to cut and paste, but if you’d called us first you wouldn’t have had this problem.
To the Board of Regents, Chancellor Rogers, and Executive Vice Chancellor Klaich,
I’ve been bossy and ungracious in my role as the president’s wife and occasional ceremonial hostess. I incurred the deserved wrath of a lot of hardworking people, and I apologize to them. I will not act that way again.
Bonnie J Ashley
Does it sound obsequious? Only because it’s written from a perspective of honesty. It’s tough to fake honesty when you’re on the defensive: read the original letter if you think otherwise. If you’ve done something that warrants an apology, apologize. If not, leave it alone.
And go easy on the help.
