That isn’t an insult, it’s merely a blanket declaration with a very small chance of being false.
If you absolutely must have a mission statement, and you’re naïve or hopeful enough to think that your employees will commit it to memory and have it guide their daily actions, at least put some thought into it.
Wal-Mart states they “help people save money so they can live better.”
The world’s preeminent retailer knows the value of being direct. Tens of thousands of other companies either don’t, or don’t care.
Here’s an example of a fecal mission statement:
OUR VISION
“We will help our customers success by providing high performing, safe, and aromatic products utilizing a highly productive direct sales and marketing approach supported by high quality operational performance.”
Let’s parse it.
“We will help our customers success…”
If you really want to help your customers, start by throwing them an apostrophe.
Even if this company knew how to punctuate, those 6 words tell us nothing. It’s not enough to distinguish yourself from the few masochistic companies who are actively praying for their customers’ imminent failure.
“…by providing high performing, safe and aromatic products…”
“High performing” is a null phrase that compares to “award-winning”* in its uselessness. First of all, it needs a hyphen. Second, did the writer not even chuckle at the notion that he might be the only human in history to boast about both the safety and aroma of something in one sentence? Smells nice, won’t hurt you.
“Products” is almost never the right word, because it’s as generic as they come. The company in question – State Chemical, if you’re interested – sells industrial hand cleaners, degreasers, insect repellents etc. Why they went with “products” rather than being even a tiny bit more specific is a mystery.
“…utilizing…”
If there’s one tipoff that you’re dealing with someone who shouldn’t be allowed to have thoughts, this is it. It’s been more than a century since Professor Strunk decried the utilization of “utilize,” rather than its level-headed and reliable cousin “use.” Yet the ranks of the self-important and the obfuscating continue to run from that consistently apropos and useful word.
“a highly productive direct sales and marketing approach”
Again, the adverb “highly” is so obvious that it’s unnecessary. “Highly productive”? If you were committed to a “pointless” approach, or a “borderline productive” approach, or even a “productive” approach, would you say so? There’s no reason – and really, no method – to qualify your approach. Just do it.
And if you’re the customer, do you even care? The company did make this mission statement publicly available. On first reading, the phrase seems to say that State Chemical will squeeze you for every disposable nickel you own. After all, their approach is highly productive, and you’re the one they’re approaching.
On second pass, it becomes clearer – which Corporatespeak usually does when you read it the second time. (Of course, having to read it a second time is the problem.) It’s State Chemical’s roundabout way of saying that they don’t use retail. It’s not obvious on first glance, but “direct sales” are the key words here. Presumably, the company wants to tell its customers that it saves them money by selling to them directly. Yet it’s chosen to convey this important point indirectly.
“supported by high quality operational performance.”
It’s the rare “high” trifecta. High performing (sic), highly productive, high quality…why wouldn’t you want to do business with a company that’s so far removed from “low”? They wouldn’t keep reminding of you of how good they are if they weren’t, right?
The last 2 words mean – possibly – that the company runs well. Again, a crucial distinction from the companies that not only run poorly, but mention so in their mission statements.
There’s no point in looking for elucidation in the company’s related “quality policy”, either. It’s as laughable and uninformative as its mission statement counterpart, promising to “deliver high quality products and services that meet or exceed customer requirements by measuring customer satisfaction and loyalty.”
Patch up the disassembled and stripped-down mission statement, and you could have something halfway invigorated, like this:
“We sell every chemical you could ever need, directly to you – weed killers, rust stoppers, carpet cleaners, floor strippers, car & truck washes and thousands more.”
Technical knowledge of your product is swell, but it’ll never compensate for being direct, being concise, and communicating like an actual human.
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Mission Statement
We tell your customers, clearly and distinctly, why they should patronize you.
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*Who hasn’t won an award? Is knowing that someone won an award going to make you more likely to patronize them? Unless your award is a Nobel, a Clay, a Medal of Honor or a Victoria Cross, keep it to yourself. No one cares about your bronze citation at the 19th Annual Healthcare Marketing Honors.
